With that in mind, here are 20 clean, funny one-liner jokes for kids that will help them get to the punchline as quickly as possible. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. They don’t remember the lyrics! I hope there’s no pop quiz at the class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems — the first thing he did was make me pay in advance. 20 One Liner Cat Jokes 05/15/2014 06/10/2016 Cat Humor jokes, One Liner. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot. I had an “hourglass” figure, but then the sand shifted. Funny One Liner Jokes. (Burt Reynolds) You have a perception problem. If you like this quick one liner joke by Peter Kay, please share it now. Because that’s the beauty of the one-liner, good or bad: it’s over before you know it. It’s impossible to put down. “The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” – Demetri Martin. She was wearing massive gloves.” Alun Cochrane (2015) 7. The person who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers. The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. “I don’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx, “Does my wife think I’m a control freak? o O o. "The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." I didn’t like my beard at first, but it grew on me. Check out Beano's ludicrously funny collection of the best one liner jokes out there! All kinds of jokes are free of cost here, and you can share them through social media. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right. 9. And then we met. My husband and I were happy for 20 years. 23. A one-liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: I just couldn’t concentrate. 2. Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it at a remote location. The best of word play jokes, one liner jokes, short jokes, and puns He was lucky it was a soft drink. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? What is faster Hot or cold? I really hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves. Here are a huge collection of great One liner Jokes Quotes – Best Funny Hilarious Dirty Status for you to share on any social websites like facebook twitter tumblr whatsapp. My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan. “A cement mixer collided with a prison van. You’ve probably noticed that one-liners are a favorite of comedians because they’re both easy to remember and razor-sharp. I had to put my foot down. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant. Contents1 One liner Jokes1.1 Click here to see Cool Whatsapp Status2 One liner Jokes Quotes – Best Funny Hilarious Dirty Status2.1 One … “People tell me I’m condescending…” (Leans in real close) “That means I talk down to people. Q: What did the … '” — Peter Kay. I am originally from Indiana. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? The 21 Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. I have a dog to provide me with unconditional love but I also have a cat to remind me that I don’t deserve it: it’s all about balance. He won’t … Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. When everything is coming your way — you’re in the wrong lane. Here are funny one liner jokes and puns. - Steve Bluestone These one liners are short, snappy and can guarantee fits of giggles! Give me the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk. Always borrow money from a pessimist; they’ll never expect it back. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician. I don’t have an attitude problem. Riveting!” — Stewart Francis, “People who like trance music are very persistent. Here are some One Liner Jokes for Seniors items I have now: I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find any. “It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” – Jack Handey. They don’t techno for an answer.” — Joel Dommett, “My father drank so heavily, when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles.” – Les Dawson, I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask — “are you an item?”. I saw it through my telescope last night. This is my step ladder. And then we met. I gave him a glass of water. Why do bees hum? Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable. Yes, but only if you aim it well enough. "You are such a good friend that, if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket, I'd miss you so much and talk about you fondly to everybody who asked." Things got a little tense. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis, “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin, “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted? My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. Respect. I, for one, like Roman numerals. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. Funny One-Liner Jokes. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.” Peter Kay. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. The one-liner jokes will surely crack you up – you are bound to laugh as hard as you have never done before. I like to hold hands at the movies… which always seems to startle strangers. For Sale: Parachute. At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.” — Joan Rivers, “Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.” — Ed Byrne, “I failed math so many times in school I lost count.” — Stewart Francis, “Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. Of course, any list of best one-liners will be subjective, but those below will make you chuckle and brighten your day. Here are some One Liner Hospital Jokes items I have now: Doctor's office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms. 14 One-Liner Jokes To Make You Laugh Or Groan When it comes to comedy, nowadays most people prefer banter and observational humor, but you shouldn't underestimate the power of the one-liner. You will love our Coronavirus One Liner Jokes And Puns but firstly we would like to point out that the Coronavirus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. A termite walks into the bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”. I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Some … Keep Laughing Forever with these Funny One Liner Jokes! One-Liner Jokes. I refused to believe father, the road worker, was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there. It sure takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. Restaurant In Peace. 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes A perfectionist walked into a bar — apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. One difference between men and women is that when a woman says "smell this", it usually smells nice. The people over at "Buzzfeed" took some of Reddit's most popular one-liners and jazzed them up using stock images. She had mittens. I just found out I’m colorblind. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. Tweet on Twitter Share on Facebook Google+ Pinterest. If you want to share the jokes with the friends that have joined the Navy, scroll down and get the desired jokes. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — all it was doing was gathering dust. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. Here's the whole list for those of you who love one liners - though strictly speaking they're question/answer jokes or two line jokes really. Animal testing is a terrible idea — they get all nervous and give the wrong answers, “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. If one doesn’t land, just move on to the next one. “How do people make new mat… I saw a sign that said “watch for children” and I … A surefire shortcut to laughter, they lighten the mood of the room and are guaranteed to get people giggling in seconds. Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth? 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